Two Ways to Navigate Tension When Bringing People Together
Lean Into the Tension
Since releasing Civic Virus: Why Polarization Is a Misdiagnosis, I’ve heard the same two scenarios come up time and again when talking with organization leaders who are struggling to address tension when they bring community members together. Here’s what’s happening and how you can address it.
First, we need to understand that most of the divisions we see playing out in our communities are not about ideological polarization (as many pundits and others would have us believe), but are intrinsically about social and psychological conditions—such as fear, anxiety, and isolation.
“The time has come to co-create our future and articulate not simply what we are against, but what we are for and what we are trying to build together.”
Scenario One: Divisive Discourse
The conversation devolves into divisive debates rooted in conflict, often unrelated to the real issues at hand. Afraid of conflict, leaders have gotten in the habit of shutting these conversations down rather than facing them head on.
How You Can Address It
When we shut conversations down, we fail to recognize what people are dealing with and what matters to them. First, ask people: what their aspirations are regarding the topic at hand? Then, ask them why those aspirations matter to them. We need to move conversations from conflict (people at loggerheads) to tension (creative juice) and attentively listen to all sides so people feel heard and understood. And then using what we’ve learned, we must intentionally frame the conversation on finding areas of agreement we can move forward on.
Scenario Two: People Retreat
The conversation goes well, people feel like they are part of something larger, and express a willingness to work together. But when they leave the conversation, they retreat back to their entrenched camps or team. In this case, people are conducting a kind of risk assessment in their heads. Seeking protection, they retreat to where they feel the strongest sense of security, safety and belonging.
How You Can Address It
As organization leaders, we need to work on giving people an alternative “team” to belong to, which means our efforts need to be really intentional. We need to keep people highly connected to one another and work on creating continuous engagement and actions rather than focusing solely on one-off efforts. We need to build together over time.
Fight or Flight Is Real
Conventional wisdom says these types of scenarios are caused by polarization. Sometimes that’s true; most of the time it’s not. We must get beyond those false notions. Fight or flight is real, and we need meaningful responses to it if we seek to move our communities forward.
The Harwood Institute’s groundbreaking report, Civic Virus: Why Polarization Is a Misdiagnosis can help you better understand what ails our country and how you can help build a more hopeful path forward. Learn more about America’s Civic Virus here.
For over 30 years, The Harwood Institute has created breakthroughs on how to address the hardest and most vital societal challenges and strengthen our civic culture. Our approach has spread to all 50 U.S. states and 40 countries because it works. Through each part of our work, we are dedicated to catalyzing a larger force for change in the world. Want to step forward and take action to transform your community?