Please, Don't Feel Alone. Here's How.
A community leader recently said to me, “I just don’t know if I can do this anymore.” It’s a common refrain I’m hearing. People’s words often come haltingly, filled with regret, pain, and anger.
Maybe you feel this way, too.
It’s easy to feel exhausted, beat up, frustrated by just how hard it is to get things done nowadays. The challenges that our organizations, communities, and society face are mounting, piling up, and getting harder to address. Some are new; others are just being uncovered, but have long been with us.
Sometimes the very people who are supposed to be your allies, your supporters, your partners, throw up more obstacles than clear pathways for you to move forward. At times, you might feel weary, even scared, to step forward and say what you really think or believe for fear of being shut down or having your motivations questioned.
You’re not alone. Please, don’t feel alone.
I’ve been doing this work for over 35 years, and never have I witnessed so many community leaders who feel so on edge. Burned out. Frazzled. Bone tired.
There is a need—a yearning—to break free from these current constraints.
At the root of the challenge is a sense of feeling alone, on your own, isolated; juggling lots of demands and risks, even conflict.
The conditions you face—that so many of us face—can lead to hunkering down, closing oneself off from others, building protective walls. It can lead to a fight or flight response.
Hear me out: these are all natural human responses. You’re not alone in feeling any of these things. Nor is there anything wrong with you if this is where you are.
But there is something you can do to get on a more productive, positive, and purposeful path. A path where you can feel reconnected with others, a greater sense of belonging, and a renewed sense of civic faith and hope.
Amid all the things we must do to help generate progress—including knowing our communities deeply and taking meaningful action—we need the presence of mind to step back in order to step forward.
What I am suggesting is for you to be intentional in opening up space where you can come together with others you trust to share stories and experiences and emotions about what we each are up against, how we each might move ahead, how we each can support one another.
These conversations need to be off-the-record and guided by a spirit of openness. We need the room to explore what we might think and not already have to know what we think; to try out ideas and not always have to come with finished ideas; to bring questions and not be required to furnish all the answers.
You must be brave enough, and humble enough, to step into this space and make yourself visible, vulnerable, and real. I cannot emphasize this too much. What I am suggesting is the very opposite of the mindset and behaviors that take us over when we feel stressed and under pressure.
I am urging you to give yourself room—indeed, give yourself permission—to reach out to others and actively create this space for yourself.
You don’t need to feel alone.